being alone


I feel like this isn’t a hugely uncommon issue. But I am terrible at being alone. This is a really odd thing for me to say because I was so shy as a child. I liked nothing more than having a good book on any given night whether it was a weekday or a weekend. I just liked to sit in my bed by myself all night. I feel like I spent the last several years trying to work on being more open to people in general. I tried to be not so quick to shut people down when they extended themselves to me. I used to get so stressed about how much effort it would take to befriend a new person…I had like 3 friend, why did I need more?! Anyhow, slowly and mostly without me noticing I was able to change, I learned to talk to people and the more people I talked to the less scary they seemed. And I realized…man, other humans are really interesting! They all have lives so different from me no matter how similar we seem. Or we always have something in common no matter how incompatible we seem. And so maybe I got sucked in by this idea that through any given person you get to live in a different world, their world, if you open yourself to it. Sort of the original reason I loved books too. And now, 8 years out from having been the shyest girl in school, I find that I can’t be alone in my home. I pace back and forth in the kitchen not wanting to commit to doing any action alone–eating, watching a tv show, sitting on the porch. What a weird flip. I don’t think it’s bad…maybe I forgot to live in my own world since I spend so much time fascinated by the universes of others? Just a curious thought…


{Kuntsrule stories are written by our readers. Share your own at Kuntsrule Submission.}
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